Archive for June, 2008

Trigger-Friendly Headline Writers

June 27, 2008

Yesterday, you might have heard, the Supreme Court upheld Second Amendment rights by ruling in favor of a plaintiff who sued the District of Columbia over its handgun ban. The ruling (split 5-4) is pretty big news. Obviously a thousand shots were fired into the air upon the publication of this decision. So were a thousand horrible gun-pun headlines. And like bullets fired aimlessly into the heavens, these to will land somewhere and possibly injure those with whom they come in contact. Here’s just a few:

“GOP Aims at Obama After Gun Ruling” Politico

“Trigger Happy” Slate

Supreme Court Ruling Could Backfire” Salon

“Gun Advocates Pack a New Weapon: Law Suits” LA Times

“Gunfight: Who Benefits From US Supreme Court Ruling?” BBC News

“The Supreme Court Opens Fire” The Economist

*More on Sports and Politics Monday.

Of Course Athletics Are Political

June 26, 2008

(at least more so than politics are athletic)…

I first learned about the ancient Greeks in sixth grade social studies. But really there are only two things I remember about that unit: the types of columns (Doric, Ionic, Corinthian), and that during the Olympic Games, wars would be put on hold for the sake of sport. At the time, that idea reaffirmed my basic value system –sports are the most important thing in the world, with politics ranking somewhere low on the list.

Nowadays my power rankings have changed. I know that wars are more important than sports, even if I do pay the latter more attention. And I wonder if that notion is even true, whether wars were really interrupted for the sake of athletics. Somehow I doubt it.

Politics frames and organizes societal interaction in a way sports just can’t. In fact, sports are part of that frame and organization: just think about the way we set up leagues and tournaments based on geopolitical identity as opposed to say religion or ethnicity. It’s the National Basketball Association, the English Premier League. And because we view sports through the societal structure created by politics, there is no escaping their connection. Nope. Sports and politics have been mangled together for thousands of years.

Even if, as some may argue, sports exist as a diversion to the more serious issues facing the world, they do so politically. The very act of existing as a diversion to politics makes sports political. When the Roman poet Juvenal wrote of “bread and circus,” this is what he meant. Roman leaders used sporting events like gladiatorial games as a political tactic to placate and distract the masses. Just think about Joaquin Phoenix’s actions in Gladiator.

The major instances in the 20th century in which sports and politics have overlapped are too numerous to even list entirely. Consider Jackie Robinson and the desegregation of baseball, or before that Jesse Owens at the 1936 Berlin Olympics; or sticking with Germany, the 1972 Olympic massacre in Munich. Consider the boycott of the 1980 Summer Olympics and the Miracle on Ice of the winter games that year. Consider our congress’s current obsession with cheating in baseball and football. I’m sure I missed some major points here, but you get the idea.

In this context, that whole idea of hitting the pause button on wars, doing a little naked wrestling, then going back out to the real battlefield becomes a lot harder to believe. Sports aren’t necessarily an extension of politics the way some theorists think war is, but they are certainly connected. They certainly affect one another.

When pundits try to elevate the entire institution of sport onto some sort of metaphorical medal podium, they are simply lying to themselves and their audience. Sure, the Olympics are great and I can’t wait to watch the Beijing Games. But they don’t exist in a vacuum, or on a pedestal. And it’s not as if politics have just come in here and only recently besmirched the gold-plated reputation of the athletic world. There is and always was plenty of corruption in both institutions. 2000 presidential election, meet 1919 World Series. Richard Nixon, meet Bill Belichick. Muhammad Ali, meet Muhammad Ali.

The question then, is why all the fuss? Why is the International Olympic Committee sending China warnings about their “politicizing of the Games”? International sport is political. That’s why Israel is the only Middle Eastern country to compete in European tournaments as opposed to Asian ones. That’s why this recent editorial in the NY Times advocates a boycott of the 2010 World Cup if host nation South Africa doesn’t stand up to Zimbabwe dictator Robert Mugabe. And that’s (partly) why I root for Germany to lose in athletic competition.

More on the current sporting-political landscape in my next post; this is a fun union of interests for me and I have plenty more to say about it. Until then, Spain beat Russia today to advance to the UEFA Euro 2008 finals against Germany. Viva la Furia Roja. Olé.

Turning Defeat into Victory (Much Easier than Water and Wine)

June 25, 2008

Today in my Political Science class “Collective Violence and the State”, our professor discussed Germany. He argued that in the generations prior to WWII, German people were raised as victims and had seen their leaders, from Otto Von Bismarck, to Kaiser Wilhelm to Adolf Hitler, blame the state’s various struggles on a multitude of scapegoats –some legitimate, some tragically absurd. It’s the Jews’ fault. It’s the communist’s fault. It’s the British Empire’s fault. And so on and so forth.

His greater point was that even countries with a mutual hatred as historic and fevered as that of Germany and France (who fought three massive wars between 1850 and 1950), can overcome those differences and become allies, as those two nations have in the European Union. A reason for this, he argued, is that since WWII and specifically the Holocaust, Germans have been raised as “perpetrators.” Germany’s problems are no longer the rest of the world’s fault. By that mindset, a lot of the world’s problems are/were Germany’s fault.

Without delving into the unspeakable crimes that Germany committed against pretty much everything but funny mustaches and fascism, it’s possible to say that some really good things have come out of WWII. The European Union for example, has been a greater success than anybody with a history book and an atlas could have guessed. And the formation of the state of Israel, although somewhat less directly stemming from the War, has a great deal of personal significance for me as a Jew and descendent of survivors.

As such, I also hold some biases. One of them is that I root against Germany when it competes in international sporting events like the Olympics. And as you may or may not know, Germany beat Turkey today to advance to the finals of the Euro 2008 soccer tournament. None of this, I admit, is very exceptional. The grandson of Holocaust survivors roots against Germany; your eyes are probably still in their sockets after reading this.

But today in class I got to thinking about that bias of mine, and about the whole idea of younger German generations still being brought up as perpetrators. I spent most of last year in Europe, and while I didn’t make it to Germany, I met quite a few Germans my age.

They were very nice. Polite, intelligent, engaging, whatever adjective –just good people overall. And one feeling they all communicated (usually in the most subtle, understated, inoffensive manner), was how awful it is to grow up in a country where every day in school they learned how horrible their ancestors were. How as fast or as far as they run, they can’t outpace or escape the lurking shadow of the atrocities that their grandparents committed.

When I hear this, I feel bad for about 3 minutes. Then I think about the other side of those barbed wire fences, my people’s side, and I don’t feel bad any more. I just don’t. But I still liked the Germans I met. Nice people.

And today’s Germany, in a political sense, is pretty okay as well. I wouldn’t call it a definitive model for good government or anything, but it is a fairly respectable EU state with some serious economic influence to exert and a set of problems not totally untypical of Central Europe.

So I don’t have a problem with the current political entity that is Germany, nor do I have a problem with the people, at least the young people who compose that entity.

And yet.

And yet I root against them in sports, and not just casually either. I go out of my way to cheer for the country that plays them. I wanted Turkey to win that game, and not just because it’d be cool to see a “fringe” European nation advance to the finals, but because they were playing Germany.

Why is this? Do I still hold some lingering prejudice against Germany even with all that’s happened in the 60 plus years since WWII?

Well yeah, apparently I do. It may or may not be rational, or entirely explainable, but I do hold some sort of resentment. Call it bias, or general distrust, or something else entirely –doesn’t matter. Athletic competition is a relatively safe place for me to express that feeling without coming off as short-sighted, or intolerant, or overly sentimental about something that happened a long time ago.

But it’s not as if I’m going to sit here and root against Germany in other ways. I’m not going to pray that the policy initiatives of Chancellor Angela Merkel begin to fail, or for a huge plague to befall the nation, or for a random German backpacker to fall and break his wrist, or for all the BMW’s in the world to stop running all at once. That’d just be cruel.

And sports are simultaneously more and less important than those things. Tangibly, they don’t matter all that much. But intangibly, sports can inflate a person’s spirit like a blimp. Then, in just a moment, send that spirit crashing and burning to the ground like the Hindenburg.

However, I don’t root against Germany in any sort of dogmatic way. I don’t care more about Germany losing than America or Israel or Spain or any other country I have ties to winning. And if Germany were to compete against a country whose politics, or more recent history I have issues with, say Iran or Zimbabwe, I’d root for Germany. But my interest in the event would probably dwindle massively.

I will end this rambling post here, as I’m approaching 1,000 words, which is far too long for my own comfort. But to conclude, I guess the lesson is that sports don’t happen in a vacuum. They happen in the cultural context of the rest of our lives (I was born in LA; hence I am a Dodgers fan). And with that in mind, I’ll write soon about why I support using the Olympics or World Cup or other such events as political leverage when that is necessary.

Until then, Spain plays Russia tomorrow for a chance to meet Germany in the final. Either way, I’m rooting for the winner of that game. But for now, Viva la Furia Roja (yes Spain soccer’s nickname is the “red fury”). And olé.

Overrated Boston

June 24, 2008

In no particular order…

**************************
1. The Kennedys

2. The band Boston

3. The relevance of its failed infrastructure projects

4. Jack Kerouac

5. The Boston Massacre

6. Alexander Graham Bell (see Antonio Meucci)

7. Dane Cook

8. Jack Nicholson’s accent in The Departed

9. The Boston Garden’s parquet floor

10. Paul Revere’s Ride (see William Dawes)

More Than A Feeling: Boston Sports Fans Annoy Me

June 23, 2008

Today a Boston sports fan leaped out of a shrub and landed right in front of me. He shrieked and swore and popped his Ray Allen jersey and pointed at his Red Sox cap and swore some more, then ran off. No complete sentences, just swearing and jersey popping and screaming. At least I think that’s what happened. I kept walking, scared to look back, scared that around the next corner might be a nut in a Cam Neely jersey, or worse yet, Ben Affleck.

I feel like Winston Smith, the main character in 1984. Only this time Big Brother looks just like David Ortiz. Sometimes, I swear that Sam Adams is smirking at me off the labels of the beer bottles. He’s smirking and winking and I can just hear him pontificating about why Red Auerbach is a better coach than Phil Jackson, why Dustin Pedroia would belong in the Hall of Fame even if his career were to end today, why Tom Brady isn’t just America’s No. 1 quarterback, but No. 1 dad too.

Obnoxious Boston sports fans aren’t just ubiquitous, but superfluous. They are everywhere in the sports world, dominating bars across America and the studios at ESPN. But it isn’t just that. One doesn’t need to watch sports to see that in Seattle, where I live, Red Sox caps practically out number Mariners caps. The father of a kid I tutor, a Celtics fan, left a three-minute obscenity-laced voicemail deriding the Lakers after game 4 of that series.

And I’m sick of it. On so many levels, I’m sick of it. I’m sick of Jimmy Fallon’s movies and of Bill Belichick’s sweatshirts and of the color green. I’m sick of the way Boston fans want it both ways -to be both Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed simultaneously. Boston fans feel at once entitled to the underdog’s self-pity and the champion’s smugness.

It’s like a disease, and as the teams keep winning, the symptoms keep spreading and worsening. New fans spring up and the old ones grow more powerful in their trash-talking idiocy. Nobody in Boston seems to realize this:

Winning is supposed to remove the chip from your shoulder, not grow it. It’s okay to be happy without rubbing your pleasure into the collective face of America. The joy is in the victory, not in this aggressive form of conceit that seems to have evolved from it.

A sad result of this phenomenon is that I have grown weary of the entire idea of Boston. Where before I enjoyed Sam Adams lager a great deal, I now enjoy it slightly less. Where before I drank coffee partly as a tribute to the Boston Tea Party, I now drink coffee because of my caffeine addiction and affinity for the flavor. Where before I preferred Harvard to Yale for no particular reason, now I can hold both institutions in equal jealous contempt.

And don’t think jealousy has nothing to do with it. I’m bitter, I’m jealous, I’m annoyed, I’m a Miami Dolphins fan. The best moment of last year’s NFL season for me was Miami’s lone victory. The second best? The Super Bowl in which New England was denied perfection.

It’s a sad state for Boston when New York comes off as the humble underdog. But it’s going to take more than a choking Patriots defense and a blustering Hank Steinbrenner to overcome my new image of the Boston sports fan. Hell, a year or two ago I was thinking about moving to Boston after college. The young people, the sense of history, the atmosphere were supposed to be unbeatable.

Well here I am. It’s the end of college. And I ain’t moving to Boston. I can tell you that for certain, and I’ve never even been there. Why? Too many Boston fans to jump out of shrubs, too many victories treated like the fall of the Berlin Wall, too many defeats treated like Pearl Harbor. Too many Flutie Flakes and Denis Leary rants.

And the thought of David Ortiz watching me is really unsettling.

*Tomorrow, check back for a list of overrated, underwhelming, and purely fictional stuff from Boston. For now, I ask, what do you hate about Boston sports fans?

Eco-Friendly Pickup Lines

June 18, 2008

Baby you have the passion of a vegan and the figure of a vegetarian.

With the wood you give me, I could single handedly replenish the rain forests.

Whoever thinks depletion of our rain forests will be an issue in the future hasn’t seen the wood you give me.

Ever hear of the penthouse effect?

My heart is like an iceberg in your presence…it melts

Did you know my sheets are made of only organic, fair-trade satin?

Carbon isn’t the only emission on tap for tonight

You are rarer than a panda in the wild…and nearly as graceful

There’s an inconvenient truth in my pants right now

Roses are Red/My lifestyle’s Green/What I wouldn’t give/To unzip your Jeans

I want to poke a hole in your ozone layer

Sea levels aren’t the only thing rising tonight

Off the DL

June 17, 2008

Mudville comes off the 15 day disabled list tomorrow.  Sorry for the hiatus. I’ve been busy with all the school work, family meals,  ceremonies, and unmentionables that come with graduating from college.

Sister Blog

June 6, 2008

Hello mom and my dozen other loyal readers. This is a very important announcement. In addition to Mudville, I have created a sister blog. I never had any sisters growing up, so this should be fun. Actually it’s temporary. Here’s the rundown: A popular, perhaps the most popular sports blog out there, Deadspin, is hiring new writers. Their founder and editor, Will Leitch, is leaving, and I want to take his place. Or at least a small part of it. To that vein, I present Mudville’s new sister:

Hire Me Deadspin

Great name huh? Hire Me Deadspin will be the focal point of my job campaign. What I need from you is this: Go read Deadspin for a few minutes. Then, after you get a feel for the site, write a short pithy testimonial about why I deserve to be a writer for them. Excessive hyperbole is not only accepted, but encouraged. Eric Nusbaum killed Chuck Norris. Eric Nusbaum negotiated peace in the Middle East. Eric Nusbaum traveled back in time and wrote Shakespeare’s plays, then returned in a funny looking car with doors that opened upwards. That sort of thing.  You can post them in the comments or email me at enusbaum@gmail.com.

And don’t worry (because I know you are trembling at the thought), I will still update here regularly. Thanks for your support.

PS: If you know any celebrities, their endorsements are more than welcome.

Memoirs from the Apocalypse: Richard Simmons

June 4, 2008

This is the first in a new series.  Celebrities tell the story of their final moments as the world ends:

The first thing I saw were fitness balls falling from the heavens. They came in all different colors and sizes and some were more inflated than others. Oh my gosh, was all I could think, so many people will be able to work on their midsections! Core exercise is so hot right now. But then, gasp, I realized the fitness balls were on fire. They were coming from the sky and landing on the streets and the first one hit a McDonalds and I thought that’s okay, but the next one hit a 24 Hour Fitness, and I thought oh that’s terrible, and the next one, that hit a billboard with Katie Couric on it and I love Katie and if anything ever happened to her I just don’t know what I would do.

And then, and then it got worse. The explosions were getting bigger and bigger and the mushroom clouds were coming up like hot air balloons (aren’t hot air balloons romantic? I’ve always wanted to be proposed to in one in New Mexico) and suddenly I couldn’t hear the screams anymore.

And that’s when I realized I wasn’t dressed for this. I mean the tank top and shorts, that works, that’s my image you know? When I go on Letterman and pitch my products or in my videos when I’m doing the aerobics that works for me, but not the end of the world. Honey, for the end of the world you better get dressed up. So I got my nicest tracksuit. It’s all royal blue with my name in script on the back outlined by some wonderful sequins. And I turned on the television thinking my friend Katie Couric would be covering the tragedy but all I saw was the Middle East burning. Those clothes the women wear in Saudi Arabia, yeesh, what’s the point of even working out for them? Guess it won’t matter now.

Then Guatemala blew like a kiss. And that was it, the TV went out. I heard some more ruckus out on the street and I looked out the window and these four men on ponies were running around cutting the heads off people and I thought what beautiful horses wasted during something like this and all of a sudden one was at my door and I said hold on I’ll get it but first I checked myself over the mirror and I was terribly flushed. But he kept on knocking and I said one minute, one minute, one minute. And he screamed OPEN THE DOOR, and I said SIR CAN YOU PLEASE JUST WAIT ONE MINUTE in my sassiest tone and he said FINE. And then I just stood there for a moment making him wait outside and did a few stretching exercises and imagined him pacing back and forth and checking his watch. And then I took a deep breath and smiled and thought bring it on.

And then I opened the door.

Surfwise

June 3, 2008

No post today, but a link to my first article at Jew-Ish.com. It ain’t the New Yorker, but hey, I ain’t John Updike either. I got to interview Doug Pray, director of the documentary Surfwise (which is playing in limited release nationally) and review it. Here’s a little teaser:

Surfwise is a film about finding balance. Balance on a surfboard, balance in religion, balance in a lifestyle, balance in a crowded 24-foot camper driving down coastal highway after coastal highway. More specifically, it is the story of Dorian “Doc” Paskowitz, his wife Juliette, and their nine children who occupied that camper and lived for several decades as surfers and nomads…

For more click here: Rip Tide

Anyways, I’d love for you to go check it out and drop me some feedback.