The Answer Key to Your Heart

I tried to get Alex Trebeck for a condescending guest answer post, but he was busy talking down to women.  So here are the answers:

Professor Longhair: BLUES. The astute test-taker might have used deductive reasoning to answer this one.  After all, Native Americans didn’t have universities.  Professor Longhair however, didn’t teach anything but soulful vocals and mean New Orleans piano licks.  Interestingly, his hair wasn’t all that long.

Black Kettle: NATIVE: The only Blues Chief Black Kettle sang came when the Kansas and Colorado plains of his Cheyenne tribe were overcrowded by buffalo-killing white settlers.  And like the many bluesmen betrayed by record companies, Black Kettle and the Cheyenne were duped by US Cavalry.  Unlike bluesmen, however, they were massacred.  That’s over 400 dead  at the Battle of Sand Creek many of whom were women and children.

Muddy Waters: BLUES: Probably the most famous man on this list is Muddy Waters.  I didn’t want to include him for this reason, but his name is so damn earthy.  Muddy basically invented the Chicago Blues, belting out hardened vocals over crunchy electric guitar.

Little Crow: NATIVE: Another tragic story.  This Dakota Sioux chief made the mistake of trusting the white men and moving his tribe to a reservation.  After the inevitable US Govt. flake-out, Little Crow brought his people to war.  Months after they retereated, he was killed by a bounty hunter trading Dakota Scalps for rewards.  And to further the insult his English name Little Crow was based on a mis-translation.

Howling Wolf: BLUES: Almost as famous as Muddy Waters, Howlin’ Wolf (yes, Matt, I added the G) was another electric blues legend. But after a poor childhood he never had the financial problems of his contemporaries.  After making it in Memphis, he drove himself up Highway 61 -yes that Highway 61 to Chicago with 4 grand in his pocket and never looked back.  Bonus fact: Though illiterate into his 40s, the Wolf learned to read, got his GED, and even studied accounting later in life.

Trembling Earth: NATIVE Not much is known about Trembling Earth.  He worked as a diplomat for the Sioux Nation in Washington DC, but didn’t make it too far on his way back.  He fell sick in Baltimore and died in 1837.

Lightning Red: BLUES The only living person on this list, Lightning Red is an obscure white guy who plays the blues in Texas.  He’s got a myspace but not a wikipedia page.  The more I write here the more I realize how impossible this quiz was.

Lead Belly: BLUES Much like Green Day there is a great deal of confusion about the spacing of Lead Belly’s name.  Tempting as it is to call him Leadbelly this self-styled King of the 12-string guitar played raw American music, the kind that sounds better when it’s grainy and gets covered by everybody from Ludacris to Led Zeppelin.

Billy Bowlegs: NATIVE Without a doubt Billy Bowlegs has my favorite name of anybody on this list.  If I ever learn an instrument and start start a rock band, I will go by Billy Bowlegs on stage.   The real Billy Bowlegs didn’t go anywhere.  A Seminole, he signed a a treaty in 1832 but refused to leave his Southwest Florida swamps for almost 30 years.  When he finally left, a reporter described Bowlegs as having “two wives, one son, five daughters, fifty slaves, and a hundred thousand dollars in hard cash.”  That and a sweet name.

Iron Jacket: NATIVE Iron Jacket was a Comanche medicine man and chief.  Allegedly, he got his name for being able to blow bullets aside with his breath.  Actually, he merely wore a jacket of Spanish armor that protected him from light weapons fire.  Unfortunately, he died when a Texas Ranger shot him in the head.

I’ve become strangely fascinated in the weird similarity between native and blues names, as well as the people included in that quiz.  I might write about it some more.